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Catch Me IF
You Can
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 The WRITER Fion bolditalicunderline
I live, I breathe, I cry, I feast, I hope, I love, I fear, I lost, I learn. In this crazy world that I'm living. |
 Insta-love |
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 Sunday, April 20, 2014 @ 1:50 AMDrown
Today i drown and i'll drown to the depths of my soul where the world is unable. To reach to touch to feel me as whole. As darkness swallow me whole. Where i will never be broken by words of hope. Where i hide.Labels: -footprints printed |
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Saturday, April 19, 2014 @ 4:10 AM End
It is those memories that are hard to say goodbye,
Those late night phone calls that are hard to miss,
It is those tears that's been wiped away by a hand that isn't yours,
The sounds of laughter that is together shared,
It is in the kisses of goodbye when the daylights is gone
Those warm hugs that made the day
And the comfort of the other hands that pulls you through.
It is within the silence that the heart yearns for
And those new found breaks in the cracks of the heart.
It is in those that end in the books of pain,
Starting a new page with pangs of heartache.
Labels: -footprints printed, poem |
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Friday, April 18, 2014 @ 11:54 AM disappointment
8th April'2014I cried yesterday and today. I never so alone than I have ever felt in this 21 days of my life. At the same time, I have never felt the love of my friends that till today. Never felt like a garbage for a long time. I feel more confused than ever before. I went back to the Fion that left that evil man. Today I learn to grow a little more, felt hurt a little bit more but I don't yearn for anything more. I realize how disappointment is able to break someone without realizing it. I wonder about my own hopes.and dreams. And why I shy away from the other girl I see in the mirror so much I lost myself on this journey called life. I wonder what I want to do about my future what I really enjoy doing and how me as a person has suddenly lost it all in these 5 years. I wonder when I wake up tomorrow morning does my heart sink a little more. And I die a little more. I wonder why I've grown to be who I am today I wonder the in-explainable of life. My course of study and what I wanted to do. I wonder if my dreams to Taiwan is an escape from the weakness of myself. Love comes in many ways and apparently the love for yourself seems to be the hardest the longest and reality hits the Heart in the upmost most painful way. I've ran till I could run no more. Maybe not going to Taiwan is a good thing. Its funny how I suddenly felt as though that I've met my calling. In these 3 months I've witness culture, marriage, the man of my dreams or so to speak or one could say a decent man, learnt secrets should always be left unsaid, the end of my personal relationship,the death of my grandmama how regrets and the being of oneself comes catching up onto you, how illness can strike and one learns to treasure, how friendship truly is. Its a week before I turn 26 and this is the time,truly late than it ever is, I learnt life, I've learnt or situation has forced me to pick up the pieces that has long awaited. I've learnt that this is life. Labels: -footprints printed |
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@ 11:28 AM Genting Trip
6th April'2014My grandmama passed away on the 1st of April. I haven't shed a tear for her. Its weird. I thought I would cry my heart out. And right now,I couldn't bear to look at her funeral pictures everything semed so surreal. Maybe one day tears will fall. I'm not heartless you see, I'm actually fucked up on the inside. Really really fuck up. I can't express neither do I know how to. I went out on Friday with Evangeline for lunch at tiong barhu Ajisen and Dinner together with Si Jie and Debby at Chinatown Point. They paid for my food. So happy. And intellectual talks are good for the heart. Its good to have friends who doesn't judge I'm writing this entry at Genting at First World Hotel today,I felt a little more carefree. A little happier. Maybe it was because Leslie told me he wants to meet this week. I shouldn't onto too much hope. He might give up. I told the girls about him too. He ideally matched all the criteria I wanted. Oh wells.   She bought kewpie at some 7-11 for me. I'll try to control my appetite for it. Hahaha. And earrings too. Today, and yesterday, I feel as though I'm the luckiest girl on earth. I'm glad I have her and everyone else. I think I've just gained unwanted weight again.Omg. 6th April'2014 My thoughts about the casino As though lost in time, these people are stuck in this web those illuminating lights the outside world seemed non-existent. As though the morals were left outside and love becomes only the world of money. My 6th sense doesn't seem to to work here... The obsessed,the desperate the patient and the depressed. Labels: -footprints printed, genting, trip |
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Thursday, April 10, 2014 @ 12:59 PM 30th March' 2014
30th March' 2014
Went for GO-Kart! it was fun! And I believe and truly believe that I'm not born to be able to drive. I realize how afraid am I of getting into accident and spoiling shits. I was told by Jie fu that I drive too slow that's its funny. Maybe I had lost my courage at the tiniest thing in life. Maybe I had always pretended to be brave and strong. Like right now how I ended up to be. Even if I cry, I cannot cry much. There is no outlet. I made my announcement to Song Wei and Ken that I had broken up with Sheikh the words seemed hard to come out from my mouth. I find it unbelievable.
I thought about Leslie today too and brushed that damning thought away. I know I'm not ready. And in some ways I think I fucked things up. Then again, there will never be anyone for me. Just not for a girl like me. I know that I'm right about this kinda things. Especially about the pessimistic side of things. At times I wished I would be right about the positive ones. And be proven wrong. Everything seems so impossible. Then again good things don't happen to girl like me. And one day I hope I can learn to be ok with it.
I want to be happy. It seems like life's impossible desire for me. Maybe its like what the Tarot deck says my heart and mind should be one. The other must not be stronger than the latter. This is a long journey ahead but at least I'm at somewhere at the beginning point without him. Maybe I haven't tried harder. And I'll try even harder as each day starts. Maybe, just maybe next week I'll be happier. Labels: -footprints printed |
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@ 12:48 PM March 31st
March 31st' 2014
You are talking about your 50k again. You weren't even apologetic my money which was needed for school and I spent it on you. You were supposed to return. But I know you aren't able to do so. At the end of the day, its my fault. I was the willing party.
Went out to Cineleisure to cheer for Leon on his Gundam Tournament and he came in the 4th place. Way to go bro!
March 29th' 2014
 
Went out for Korean BBQ buffet dinner with Jun Jie, Shun Ming, Elina and Germaine and had a ball of the time! They are always nice company to have around. We talked alot of nonsense together and had tau huey before heading back home. I lost my cigg at 10pm and haven't smoked since. Its ok not smoking but its hard to no think about smoking. Walked back home with Shun Ming as usual.
My mum's friend is here in Singapore and her kids are bloody bratty.
Its hard not to have him by my side. Its hard to move on. I gave some closure between him and me through sms. I find closures really important. To think about it the person who seemed to love money more is him not me.
Labels: -footprints printed |
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@ 2:20 AM 19th - 25th March
March 19th'2014
We broke up and he seemed to be taken in by
surprise. Or maybe its like what he had said. He's already expecting it. It was
the hardest and the most nerve-wrecking day this year. It also felt as though a
whole bunch of weight got lifted off my shoulders. I spent my taiwan
application fee money on him. And once again, I missed my opportunity. I got a
proper android after a long time and felt fucked up that I broke up with him
after he gave me a phone. Its not something fantastic but I had something after
a long time.
March 25th'2014
 I already had enough of guys with the sole
intention of having sex with me. Its disgusting. I feel worse than a garbage.
Dinner alone for the 1st time at Menya Musashi
at ion. It costs me 14.90. I almost callled him. Its almost like a habit and a
really bad habit. I went to settle my gelish nail that I peeled and screw it up
with Debby. I changed it to a deeper red. It didn't look very perfect enough
because I had hurt my nails because of the peeling but I'm happy enough. Maybe
one day I can afford on a full mani and pedicure. Its the first time I can
spend without worrying too much.
The next time, when I have breakfast, lunch or
dinner alone I'll record it down. I miss him and I nearly called him. This
journey is hard. There's no one to have dinner with me today but I guess it's
alright after all. I told Alex that I had a date with a "friend" I
think he sounded upset over the phone. But I think I'm happier alone right now.
My cigarette is gonna finish ahh the material
worry. I've just learnt that the problem about eating alone is you can't leave
for the toilet until you have finished your meal. It seems like I've been with
someone for so long that I've forgotten about that common sense. Wtf.
Labels: -footprints printed |
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