8th April'2014

I cried yesterday and today. I never so alone than I have ever felt in this 21 days of my life. At the same time, I have never felt the love of my friends that till today. Never felt like a garbage for a long time. I feel more confused than ever before. I went back to the Fion that left that evil man.

Today I learn to grow a little more, felt hurt a little bit more but I don't yearn for anything more. I realize how disappointment is able to break someone without realizing it.

I wonder about my own hopes.and dreams. And why I shy away from the other girl I see in the mirror so much I lost myself on this journey called life.

I wonder what I want to do about my future what I really enjoy doing and how me as a person has suddenly lost it all in these 5 years. I wonder when I wake up tomorrow morning does my heart sink a little more. And I die a little more. I wonder why I've grown to be who I am today I wonder the in-explainable of life. My course of study and what I wanted to do. I wonder if my dreams to Taiwan is an escape from the weakness of myself.

Love comes in many ways and apparently the love for yourself seems to be the hardest the longest and reality hits the Heart in the upmost most painful way.

I've ran till I could run no more. Maybe not going to Taiwan is a good thing. Its funny how I suddenly felt as though that I've met my calling. In these 3 months I've witness culture, marriage, the man of my dreams or so to speak or one could say a decent man, learnt secrets should always be left unsaid, the end of my personal relationship,the death of my grandmama how regrets and the being of oneself comes catching up onto you, how illness can strike and one learns to treasure, how friendship truly is. Its a week before I turn 26 and this is the time,truly late than it ever is, I learnt life, I've learnt or situation has forced me to pick up the pieces that has long awaited. I've learnt that this is life.

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